Do flies know about spider webs before it’s too late?

If anyone ever tries to make fun of you for having baby wipes/bathroom wipes in your bathroom, just remind yourself of one thing:

Your ass is cleaner than theirs.

I think if vegetables were self-aware, cucumbers and pickles would hate each other.

When a hobo finds an old ATM card in the trash, is that like finding a Skeleton Key to every bedroom in the city?

Boring drug test: “We need a urine sample, so please go into the bathroom over there and pee into this cup.”

Awesome drug test: “You have 30 minutes to fit as much of this cocaine as you can into or on your person. The clock starts… now.”

What’s the audio equivalent of a “Star Wipe”?

I wonder if people that work in the adult film industry consider any websites to be NSFW.

Some job titles are misleading. Like “Produce Inventory Manager”, or “Custodial Engineer”.

Other job titles are misleading in a completely different and severely disappointing way. Like “Headmaster”.