When a hobo finds an old ATM card in the trash, is that like finding a Skeleton Key to every bedroom in the city?
Instant Awesome: Chewables
February 24th, 2010Six of one, half-dozen of the other.
February 20th, 2010I was thinking about the following figure of speech the other day:
Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.
It’s not my favorite phrase, but it’s certainly a lot better than:
Make sure to account for chicken miscarriages.
Call an Ambulamps.
January 15th, 2010The right armrest of my office chair has a static charge, but not the left. It’s making my right-arm tingle.
I’m pretty sure that means I’m having a stroke.
This is how I feel at work sometimes.
January 6th, 2010Batman Begins, Explained
December 3rd, 2009
As seen on an IM with Austen, via Tim.
Special: 2 for 1 ridiculous Rob-Pat exchanges.
October 23rd, 2009Rob: scott’s coming to the halloween party
Pat: i’ve heard
Rob: not sure if that increases chances of you coming
Rob: or decreases
Pat: increases if he brings one of the hot caterers from the clambake
Rob: haha
Rob: i heard that’s his costume
Rob: hot caterer
Pat: that’s a good one
Rob: it might get awkward when you’re banging him and he takes the costume off
Pat: that’s why i won’t let him take the costume off
Pat: you’ve gotta think
Rob: you’re right… sorry.
5 Minutes later…
Rob: i think this is going on my website
Rob: yes, it definitely is
Pat: what?
Rob: that exchange
Pat: no
Pat: don’t put up an exchange of me saying i’m going to bang a cross-dressing scott
Pat: i don’t want that coming back when people google my name
Rob: it’s just gonna say "pat"
Rob: not your full name
Rob: and if this comes up when someone google’s "pat"
Rob: you wont need a job
Rob: because we can all live off of my vast riches
Rob: for having the most popular site ever
Rob: now this exchange is going up there too
Whoa.
October 11th, 2009Last night, my girlfriend and I celebrated our anniversary. We went to dinner at Top of the Hub, and then cabbed over to Finale for dessert.
Finale is famous for its desserts (and after last night, I know why), but they also have dinner. It’s nice to have that option (they call it the “Prelude”) if you want to have an entire meal there.
Halfway through our dessert sampler, two young ladies sat down at the table next to us, and each ordered a dessert item. One got the molten chocolate cake, the other the cheesecake. Two very good choices, as we had very recently learned.
About 10 minutes after they finished, a salad was brought to their table; they were apparently splitting it. My girlfriend and I looked at each other at the same time, both realizing what was unfolding before our eyes. We were watching people eat a Tarantino movie.
Awesome Spam: What do you call a dinosaur on Viagra?
October 1st, 2009Subject: Become her drillosaur!
Body:
Your male-pounder won’t fall!
[link omitted]
If you manage to seduce girl, she won’t be disappointed. Blue pilule works for 98 of 100 men.
I can’t help but feel bad for those two dreamers who never became the drillosaurs they always wanted to be.
Also, I’m pretty sure if one seduces a girl with one’s male-pounder, she will be disappointed. I’m sure she would be hoping for a female-pounder.
Instant Awesome: Chewables
September 17th, 2009Boring drug test: “We need a urine sample, so please go into the bathroom over there and pee into this cup.”
Awesome drug test: “You have 30 minutes to fit as much of this cocaine as you can into or on your person. The clock starts… now.”
It’s funny because it’s true.
September 11th, 2009I wanted to make a joke here about an iPhone app that tracks the menstrual cycle of its user, but apparently several exist.
At least I can still trademark my catchy name: look out for iBleed coming soon (TBA).
iBleed… Because you should always have a Tampod handy.